Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Weight Loss Wednesday

Finally.

I am finally getting back into a normal routine. And it feels so so good. 

Two years ago, if you had told me that my "normal routine" would be working out and cooking and meal planning, I would have laughed in your face. Two years ago, my "normal routine" was to leave work, get McDonalds or Wendy's, come home and nap for an hour, cook a pizza or something else with no nutritional value, and crash on the couch watching tv.... Usually sipping wine.

I can't even imagine living that lifestyle anymore. Now, I come home, go to the gym for class, and cook a healthy meal. Admittedly, I still crash on the couch, but without wine and with a happier glow about me.

I am down a whopping 84 lbs. Do you realize how close that is to 100?!!?? 

I won't go crazy to get there. I will just keep going.

I have been LOVING getting back to the gym. I admit it has been VERY difficult to go by myself and workout. But classes? Yes. Those I love, those I enjoy going to. I talked to my trainer about it and she said that was okay, because I was seeing results with the classes and that people who take group exercise classes tend to succeed more than those who just workout on their own. Kickboxing is my absolute favorite class. I have never felt so challenged yet so enthusiastic about exercise, but I do in kickboxing. I am usually the only one there, so my instructor pushes me really hard and takes it up a knotch every week.

This week, I am celebrating:
-84 lbs down
-needing new clothes because I am now 3 sizes smaller than I was last fall.
-Sticking pretty well with my diet through my events
-getting better and better at the circuits as cardio each week at BOOTCAMP 

Have a great week, everyone.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

I'm Just Busy.

The other day I was gathered amongst friends and someone said to me "So, like, where have you been? Why haven't we seen you?".

I have to say, in that moment my heart sunk. I wanted to burst into tears. Truth is, on the drive over I had been wondering if someone was going to ask me that. I had this polite, respectful comment ready, but instead I snapped

"Well my dad was in the hospital for a month and a 1/2 sooo..." and walked away.

I know I shouldn't have said it, especially in that matter. I could have handled it better.

It hurts me that people think I haven't been around just because I don't feel like or it or I'm busy with work. Because yes, I was busy with work- I had three events weekend after weekend in October. The amount of time and detail that those events require is beyond words that I can express here. But work was not the reason for my absence. It's not the reason my room or car haven't been clean in 2 months. It's not the reason I have only been to the gym MAYBE once a week in the last 2 months. It's not the reason I was basically living out of my car while I jumped from work to my house to my parents house to the hospital back to work. The reason is that my dad was in the hospital, and my family needed me. I wasn't worried about anything else other than being with my family, helping my mom run errands, and doing as "okay" at work as I possibly could have done.

But I also sort of have myself to blame.

I used to use the words "I'm just so busy" an awful lot. Looking back now, I wasn't really that busy at all. Sure I've always had work, and different volunteer things I do, and spending time with family, but I had much more free time than I do now, that's for sure. I don't know if I just thought I was busy or if I felt overwhelmed and just said I was busy to avoid adding one more thing to my plate.

NOW I'm busy. The kind of busy no one really wants to be. And of course people aren't going to really understand what these past two months have been like, or how hectic they have been. I cannot expect them to fully understand.

I don't want or need pity or for anyone to say how sorry they are. Maybe this post sounds like that is what I am looking for, but it's not. I am putting my story out there to say this:

We do not know, no matter how hard we try, what the people around us are dealing with. Even our closest friends and families have struggles and anxieties that we will never understand. That's okay. We have to know that it's okay. But we can still show empathy. We can still choose our words carefully and treat others with gentleness.

This is also to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everyone who I told I was too busy when I really wasn't. I am sorry to myself for missing out on some great experiences because I thought I was too busy.

I encourage you-and me- to evaluate just how busy we are next time someone invites us to do something but we are not feeling up to it. Let's try to remember how short this life is, and if being busy is our biggest problem, we are pretty lucky. Squeeze in a lunch date with a friend, it will be worth it. Take 5 minutes to send a card to someone who needs a pick me up. Slow down in the hallway at work and actually have a conversation with a coworker instead of blowing them off. The biggest gift we have been given in this world is each other. We should start treating each other that way.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Face the Fears

It's the time of year for spooky stories, haunted houses and scary movies. We pretend to hate it, but that creepy feeling that comes when you are truly scared is one that we continue to seek out- just because. We like to jump out at our friends, put fake spiders in our sister's beds, and prank call our parents. We PAY to be scared.

But what about our real, deeper fears? I certainly don't pay someone to throw me in the middle of a large crowd and to not be able to get out. I wouldn't stand in line to stand in front of a crowd of people and allow them to judge me.

Our fear goes way beyond zombies and ghosts. It even goes beyond clowns, one of my top fears. It is so much deeper. But we don't address those fears. We don't purposely put ourselves in situations where those deeper fears will be right in front of us.

But maybe we should.

Because maybe then we would see that, just like the haunted houses, they aren't that bad. That we can get through it- even if we close our eyes a little along the way. We would see that eventually, there is a way out.

Most of us don't openly share our deepest fears. Maybe we find them silly or we're afraid someone else will find them silly. But the reality is, most of us fear many of the same things. We're all just humans, trying to survive.

A haunted house that truly depicted my deepest fears would include people from my past that I am afraid to confront, small spaces with large amounts of people, phone calls that I know I have to make, and being the center of attention...amongst other things. Would I want to go through that haunted house? Hell no. But maybe I should. Just to say that I did. Just to give me the confidence to do it again. Just to know- there is nothing to be afraid of.

Let's try it. Let's try to go face to face with our real fears. I think something magical might happen if we do. I'll be cheering you on along the way, because I know that you can do this. And I know you'll do it again.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.

I am very active on social media, and almost every where I turn I am reading body positivity and movements to make women feel better about their bodies. I follow women like Meghan Tonjes, Madison Lawrence and Tobie Stevens- all social media starlets who are not shy about their passion for body positivity and acceptance. I guess in my world, naive as it may be, women were finally starting to see themselves as beautiful, and to spread that message to others. So I was a little shocked and saddened when I read the title on a HelloGiggles article "Glamours Newest Study Says Women Feel Worse About Their Bodies Now More Than Ever""

What? NO! NO NO NO! Stop!

It shouldn't be like this! We should be feeling BETTER about ourselves more than ever. Why is it going backwards? What are we doing wrong? And HOW CAN WE FIX IT?

I am yelling because I have to yell. I am so passionate about this I could explode. Nothing upsets me more than people who don't think they are good enough. That's just not true.

Part of the problem is that we compare ourselves far too much to others. Let me remind you: It. Doesn't Matter. It doesn't matter how the girl in front of you at Starbucks looks. It doesn't matter what your colleagues look like. It doesn't matter how fit the other girls at the gym are. All that matters is you, your attitude, and how YOU feel. Certainly if you feel like you will feel healthier if you drop some lbs or gain muscle then GO FOR IT. But do NOT let the way someone else looks be your motivation. YOU are your motivation.

You were uniquely made. You are special. Your body will never be like anyone else's no matter how hard you try. So do not spend your time and energy comparing yourself to another or feeling bad that you do not look the way you think you are supposed to look.

I know this isn't easy and I know I cannot force everyone to feel better about their bodies. I know I can't give you a magical formula to fix your attitude on your body. All I can do is my best to remind each and every woman in my life that they ARE beautiful.

So now we have to put this into action. Each morning, before you rush out the door, stop for a moment. Sit in silence, and tell yourself "I am good enough. I am beautiful". And then, as you go about the day, spread love. Not just to others- but to yourself. Before you fall asleep each night, list off the things that you ROCKED that day and the things you loved about yourself. Even if the list is short, focus on the positive. If a negative thought pops in, will it to go away and replace it with a positive one.

One day you will believe me. One day you will see your beauty loud and clear. One day we will read an article that tells us women are feeling better about themselves now than ever before. One day this will change. One footstep at a time.

And if you need a little motivation to get you started, I have the perfect song for you